Helpful tips after a break-up

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THE enterprise of love is one of the biggest failed businesses.

What, though, can you do to get over a broken heart and the range of emotions likely to follow, especially if you feel you invested more than the other party?

Keep calm

When two people agree to go their separate ways, it’s different from a one-sided break-up in which one person feels the relationship could have blossomed into bigger things. If you think so, let the person know. You have that right.

Remember, however, emotions are at an all-time high during break-ups. Ranting accomplishes little and instead, worsens the problem. Have an open and calm discussion. This could reveal misunderstandings or could lead to one or both individuals apologising and resolving to be more considerate of the other’s feelings.

No need to beg

If a person insists on going, let him or her go. Never coerce or try to convince people against their will.

Secondly, there is no need to beg and tearfully ask for pity, since all that does is cause you to feel humiliated. Consider also that the other party may speak about your pity party to others — imagine hearing that back!

Remember, pining for the emotions and affection of someone who is no longer in love with you is just wrong. Just imagine begging and the person returns. In that person’s mind, he or she is doing you a favour, which, in and of itself, makes the relationship lopsided and at the mercy of one individual. Never subject yourself to that.

Highlight qualities

Could a break-up reveal fatalistic qualities that you would do well to avoid? Has it revealed uncontrolled anger in one party, inflexibility and callousness, or a proclivity towards infidelity? Is one person prone to physical and verbal abuse?

Have you found out that there are areas in your personal growth that you could work on for you to become more desirable as a mate?

A careful consideration may spotlight a terse fact: Breaking up was the better option.

Fill the void

True, even knowing that you made the right decision in breaking up may not be the greatest salve for emotional wounds compounded by loneliness and the painful memory of treasured romantic moments. Stop reminiscing and come back to reality.

Start exercising or engage in some other physical activity as a distraction to pass time and relieve tension. You are valuable and have much in terms of goals to accomplish. Seek out things that breathe joy and positive emotions. Rest and hydrate well to calm the sea of emotions.

Confide in someone trusted

Having these emotions pent up can be overbearing, so just finding a listening ear to verbalise and reconcile your emotions can be a therapeutic wonder. Such friends may have gone through something similar and can share valuable tips. Why not get a word from your parents if they are alive?

Breaking up can be laced with unkind emotions. Never forget that an action, though negative, may spark an equal and opposite reaction. A break-up can work for your good. See the good that the bad brings, and take a page from this hard-taught lesson of life and move on.

Warrick Lattibeaudiere (PhD), a minister of religion for the past 23 years, lectures full-time in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Technology, Jamaica.

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