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You just don’t understand

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I’ll hear you more,

To the bottom of your story,

And never interrupt you.

Shakespeare, Pericles V, 1

 

How many people can actually tell their story and not be interrupted by the person listening? Hardly anyone, for as soon as you start to tell your tale, you are interrupted by whatever story the listener has to tell as they jump in and counter your discourse. Men involved with women, put up your hand if you agree.

Perhaps the only individual who pays rapt attention and does not interrupt is the psychiatrist who listens to the patient and merely nods with assent and says, “I see, I see.” One other such person is the bartender who listens with great interest, real or imagined, to the imbiber across the counter and agrees with everything that he says. “Yes man, true words, woman is nutten but crosses.”

Both are remunerated for listening, one by the hour, and the other by the amount of drinks that can be served. The point is, those people are paid to listen. No wonder lots of people complain that they are either not heard or worse, not understood. “You just don’t understand why I do what I do, you just don’t understand.”

We’ll see who understands, right after these clearly understood responses to my ‘Cheating triggers’ rant last week.

 

Hi Tony,

Regarding what you said about the various triggers for cheating, some men may not realise that they want sex until the woman presents the opportunity and sends her siren call to her prey, then the trigger is cocked. Those women provide the ammunition and make themselves the target.

Gary

 

Hey Tony,

I’ve just read your footnote to the ‘Cheating triggers’ article and feel duty bound to respond, regarding those schools that fail to show up for the return matches after losing heavily in the first leg. What has happened is that the competition has become a foregone conclusion with the big schools dividing the spoils every time. The matchups you referred to cannot be considered true competition. The small fry were just being set up for big teams to amass huge scores, like lambs to the slaughter.

Fara

 

There’s this comedy stand-up routine by the late American comedian Bernie Mac that must rank among the funniest of all time. I saw it on BET‘s Def Comedy Jam many years ago, but if you Google it, you can watch it for yourself. It’s called, ‘You just don’t understand’, and I guarantee you’ll laugh your head off.

‘You just don’t understand,’ isn’t that what men say to their women all the time? “Honey, it’s a man thing, you just don’t understand.” How true it is. Speak to any man who’s involved with a woman in any form girlfriend, fiancée, live-in love, common-law or married and you’ll hear the cry, “You just don’t understand.”

And what, pray tell, don’t women understand? Oh, let me count the ways. First let’s discuss sports. Sports must be the most important element in a man’s life, yet women just don’t understand it.

Just recently, legendary football great Neville Oxford of KC and national fame brought up the topic with me, and lamented how many women don’t appreciate or understand the passion that men have for sports.

We always meet up at KC Manning Cup matches, rain or shine, and sometimes get soaked by the rain that occurs there. After one particularly heavy deluge, many cellphones started to ring from concerned spouses who expressed bewilderment why grown men would suffer in the rain just to watch schoolboys kicking a ball around.

“Robbie, women just don’t understand,” said Neville, after his phone call ended. It’s not just about watching a football game, it’s meeting up with old friends and past schoolmates, reliving and rehashing our past glories, plus shooting the breeze with bredrin and bredrin. It’s buying chicken soup, penny bun and cheese and boiled corn from the vendors.

I make sure that I take home two boiled corn for my wife after every match, to score some points. No boiled corn tastes as good as those from those vendors at the matches, which adds to the experience.

Yes, it’s sort of male bonding, and even if you aren’t into the male bonding scenario such as going to the bars and such, attending these schoolboy football matches is a great pastime, but women just don’t understand.

When I tell my better half that there’s a KC match on a Saturday, I can see her countenance change, for Saturdays are the days when we hang out. “Match this Saturday again, you going to match in the rain?” But the prospect of two hot, sweet boiled corn salves the angst and is the Balm of Gilead. So even if women just don’t understand, we can ease their discontent.

Another area where women don’t understand is when men get sick. I saw this caption on WhatsApp that said, “Only a woman who experiences the pain of childbirth can understand how a man with a cold feels.”

It’s a known fact that when a man catches a simple cold his world comes to a screeching halt and so should everyone else’s. My bredrin caught a cold the other day and is experiencing a living hell. “Honey, I’m dying, I can’t take it anymore, my nose is stuffy, I’m burning up, I’m in pain, I’m dying.”

He says that his wife just humours him and takes it lightly, all because she just does not understand. “Teerob, can you believe she still wants me to do the chores in the state that I’m in?” I told him, “Bredrin, it’s just a little fresh cold, it’ll soon pass.” He still insists, “She just doesn’t understand.”

I remember my parents too, as my mom appeared to never get sick. In reality, even if she did, her mommy duties never stopped and her routine was never broken. But dear dad, whenever a cold brushed him, the entire household came to a halt. Women just don’t understand. Hmm, maybe a man’s cold is really worse than a woman’s.

Another area where women just don’t understand is that of sex. You know that I’d eventually get to that. Women just don’t understand that a man will get involved with sex no matter what the circumstances are. If the woman is upset or angry with the man, she will not have sex with him. Conversely, a man does not care. She’ll remonstrate, “How can you approach me for sex after that argument we just had?” His response, “Huh, what does having an argument have to do with no sex?”

The man does not care if she’s vexed as a Tasmanian Devil, or moody as a petulant child, when he wants his pounding of flesh, he wants it. Apologies to Shylock and his legendary pound of flesh.

Women will give various reasons not to indulge, “Shh, mommy is in the house, the kids might wake up, my head hurts, I just washed my hair, I’m still angry with you.”

I have a friend who once broke his leg, and even while in the cast he insisted on having sex with his woman. That’s just how men operate when it comes to separating sex from everything else, there are no impediments, no hindrances. Women just don’t understand.

Men expect the same courtesy from women, so even when she’s not feeling well, mash up, pop down, bellyache, headache, two broken arms, he’ll say, “Cho honey, just roll over, lay still, I’ll do the work.”

There are too many variables to obstruct sex, while the only one to prevent a man is serious illness or loss of erection. Apart from that, it’s 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 lift off. Women just don’t understand.

Women don’t understand that men still look at other women even if they’re in a committed relationship. It’s a man thing and doesn’t mean anything at all. So many women get irate, incensed, upset and even violent if their man even looks at another woman. “I saw you looking at that pretty girl, you disgusting louse.”

Women don’t understand that not because a man looks at another woman means that he’s up to something untoward. That’s why so many guys are terrified to even glance casually at any other female if their woman is present. It’s no big thing, and women just don’t understand.

Now, do men understand? That’s for another day.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

 

Footnote: I’m watching with great interest the situation where students are locked out of schools for arriving late. I can’t say that I agree with locking them out, for they’ll just be on the streets creating more mischief. But punitive measures have to be taken. The president of the Jamaica Teachers’ Association expressed that most of those habitual latecomers are also the troublemakers and delinquents in the school system. They are the ones always in trouble and with low grades. The parents, when summoned do not show up, and teachers certainly will not go to their homes out of fear. I suggest having a school area designated for them, where perhaps they can be counselled. Anyone who thinks that running a high school is easy, should think again. Between children, parents and even teachers, it’s a challenge. Even some former prison warders wouldn’t tackle that task.

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Trump directed Ukraine quid pro quo, key witness says

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WASHINGTON, DC, USA (AP) — Ambassador Gordon Sondland told House impeachment investigators yesterday that he worked with Rudy Giuliani on Ukraine at the “express direction” of President Donald Trump and pushed for a political “quid pro quo” with Kyiv because it was what Trump wanted.

“Mr Giuliani was expressing the desires of the president of the United States, and we knew that these investigations were important to the president,” Sondland testified of his dealings with Trump’s personal attorney.

Sondland, the most highly anticipated witness in the public impeachment probe, made clear that he believed Trump was pursuing his desire for political investigations in return for an Oval Office meeting that the eastern European nation’s new president sought to bolster his alliance with the West.

Sondland said he later came to believe military aid that Ukraine relied on to counter Russia was also being held up until the investigations were launched.

In a blockbuster morning of testimony, Sondland’s opening remarks included several key details: He confirmed that he spoke with Trump on a cellphone from a busy Kyiv restaurant the day after the president prodded Ukraine’s leader to investigate political rival Joe Biden.

He also said he kept Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and other top administration officials aware of his dealings with Ukraine on the investigations Trump sought.

Sondland said he specifically told Vice-President Mike Pence he “had concerns” that US military aid to Ukraine “had become tied” to the investigations.

“Everyone was in the loop,” Sondland testified in opening remarks.

“It was no secret.”

A top Pence aide denied that the conversation between the vice-president and Sondland occurred.

It “never happened”, said Pence Chief of Staff Marc Short.

Trump has insisted he did nothing wrong in his dealings with Ukraine, casting the impeachment inquiry as a politically motivated effort to push him from office.

Speaking to reporters outside the White House on yesterday, he said he wanted nothing from the Ukrainians and did not seek a quid pro quo. He also distanced himself from Sondland, a major donor to his inauguration.

“I don’t know him very well. I have not spoken to him much,” Trump said, speaking from notes on the hearing, written with a black marker.

The impeachment inquiry focuses significantly on allegations that Trump sought investigations of former Vice- President Biden and his son — and the discredited idea that Ukraine, rather than Russia, interfered in the 2016 US election — in return for the badly needed military aid for Ukraine and the White House visit.

In Moscow yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin said he was pleased that the “political battles” in Washington had overtaken the Russia allegations, which are supported by the US intelligence agencies.

“Thank God,” Putin said, “no one is accusing us of interfering in the US elections anymore. Now they’re accusing Ukraine.”

Sondland said that conditions on any potential Ukraine meeting at the White House started as “generic” but “more specific items got added to the menu, including Burisma and 2016 election meddling”.

Burisma is the Ukrainian gas company where Joe Biden’s son Hunter served on the board. And, he added, “the server”, the hacked Democratic computer system.

“I know that members of this committee have frequently framed these complicated issues in the form of a simple question: Was there a ‘quid pro quo?

“As I testified previously, with regard to the requested White House call and White House meeting, the answer is yes,” he said. Sondland said he didn’t know at the time that Burisma was linked to the Bidens but has since come to understand that, and that the military aid also hinged on the investigations.

“President Trump never told me directly that the aid was conditioned on meetings,” he testified.

“The only thing we got directly from Giuliani was that Burisma and 2016 elections were conditioned on the White House meeting… The aid was my own personal guess … two plus two equals four.”

Sondland’s hours of testimony didn’t appear to sway Trump’s GOP allies in the Senate. Mike Braun of Indiana said the president’s actions “may not be appropriate, but this is the question: Does it rise to the level of impeachment?

And it’s a totally different issue and none of this has. “I’m pretty certain that’s what most of my cohorts in the Senate are thinking and I know that’s what Hoosiers are thinking… and most of middle America.”

Sondland, a wealthy hotelier and Trump donor, has emerged as a central figure in an intense week in the impeachment probe that has featured nine witnesses testifying over three days.

Both Democrats and Republicans were uncertain about what Sondland would testify to, given that he had already clarified parts of his initial private deposition before lawmakers.

Sondland appeared prepared to fend off scrutiny over the way his testimony has shifted in closed-door settings, saying “my memory has not been perfect”.

He said the State Department left him without access to e-mails, call records and other documents he needed in the inquiry. Republicans called his account “the trifecta of unreliability”.

Still, he did produce new e-mails and text messages to bolster his assertion that others in the administration were aware of the investigations he was pursuing for Trump from Ukraine.

Sondland insisted, twice, that he was “adamantly opposed to any suspension of aid” for Ukraine.

“I was acting in good faith. As a presidential appointee, I followed the directions of the president.”

The son of immigrants, who he said escaped Europe during the Holocaust, Sondland described himself as a “lifelong Republican” who has worked with officials from both parties, including Biden.

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PAJ honours veteran journalists

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PAJ honours veteran journalists

Thursday, November 21, 2019

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The Press Association of Jamaica (PAJ) yesterday honoured four veteran journalists/broadcasters for their contribution to the field at its annual Veterans’ Luncheon at the Courtyard Marriott hotel in New Kingston.

Here three of the awardees pose with their citations.

From left are: Photographer Headley “Dellmar” Samuels; deputy CEO at the Jamaica Information Service Enthrose Campbell; and Jamaica Observer Senior Reporter Balford Henry.

Absent is Irie FM broadcaster Elise Kelly.

(Photo: Michael Gordon)


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Jamaica close second on UN-compiled femicide list

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PARIS, France (AFP) — Every day in 2017, 137 women and girls were intentionally killed by their partner or a family member somewhere in the world, according to UN statistics.

This adds up to more than 50,000 women’s lives ended by those closest to them, a scourge blamed on deep-rooted gender inequality and damaging stereotypes of women as weaker and less valuable members of society.
Here is an overview of the worldwide killings of women, also called femicide.

The toll

In 2017, some 87,000 women and girls were murdered worldwide, according to a 2018 report of the UN Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC).

Of these, 58 per cent had their life taken by someone in their inner circle — 30,000 by their spouse or intimate partner, and another 20,000 by a member of their own family.

The report showed that men were four times more likely than women to fall victim to homicide (they form 80 per cent of all murder victims), but more often than not died at the hands of a stranger.

Fewer than one in five murdered men were killed by their life partner, compared to 82 per cent for women.
Women in Africa are most likely to be killed by a spouse or family member, with a rate of nearly 70 per cent (19,000 murders) compared to 38 per cent (3,000 murders) in Europe, the region with the smallest share, said the UNODC.
In absolute numbers, Asia had the most severe toll, with 20,000 women killed by a partner or family member in 2017.

Husbands, fathers, brothers, mothers

The high murder rate among women is a consequence of rampant gender-based violence.

Nearly a third of women who have been in a relationship reported having experienced physical or sexual violence at the hands of their partner, or a non-partner, according to a report by the World Health Organization (WHO).

“Many of the victims of ‘femicide’ are killed by their current and former partners, but they are also killed by fathers, brothers, mothers, sisters, and other family members because of their role and status as women,” said the UNODC.
These killings, it added, do “not usually result from random or spontaneous acts, but rather from the culmination of prior gender-based violence. Jealousy and fear of abandonment are among the motives”.

The WHO report also blamed “unequal power of women relative to men” and the “normative use of violence to resolve conflict”.

War

Emergencies such as poverty, war and humanitarian crises make women even more vulnerable.

Countries topping a UN-compiled list of “intentional homicides, female” are mostly in Latin America and Africa, regions which struggle with gang and ethnic wars, unemployment and privation.

Topping the list is El Salvador with 13.9 out of every 100,000 women murdered in 2017, followed by Jamaica with 11 per 100,000 in the same year.

The Central African Republic was in third place with 10.4 per 100,000 based on 2016 statistics, followed by South Africa with 9.1 per 100,000 in 2011.

The real numbers are likely to be higher, with reports based on whatever data is gathered by national statistical systems — severely lacking in many countries in Africa and Asia.

Many wars, from the Democratic Republic of Congo and Burundi to Kosovo and Iraq, are known for the tactic of targeting women, who are raped, beaten, taken as sex slaves, and often killed, as a “weapon of war”.

Family

According to the UN, some 1,000 of the 5,000 so-called “honour killings” reported around the world every year, are committed in India.

These are crimes committed by close relatives after a woman or girl is deemed to have diverted from religious or traditional mores and values — often for falling in love with a man from the wrong family, or for engaging in sex before marriage.

They are shot, stoned, burned, buried alive, strangled, smothered, or stabbed to death with what the UN describes as “horrifying regularity”, often in countries where the laws exempt the perpetrators from punishment.
Pakistan sees hundreds of these killings every year, while in Afghanistan 243 cases were recorded between April 2011 and August 2013.

Change coming?

Spain is hailed in some quarters for turning the tide in the battle against femicide through a 2004 law against gender-targeted violence that sought to address the problem in different spheres simultaneously — social, educational and correctional.

About 100 special courts and police units were also set up.

Last year, 50 women were murdered in Spain, and 51 so far this year, down from 71 in 2003.

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